A Conversation
by Some1FoundMe
Summary: She glances guiltily at her phone where it rests on her nightstand. You have been back in Starling City for almost forty-eight hours and this is the first time you've laid eyes on her. Post ep for 3X14. Olicity.


**A/N:** So I have to say, I loved last night's episode! Loved that we go to see all the little glimpses of each of the characters prior to Oliver's 'return' to Starling City and even though we only got that one little Felicity scene, I feel like it was an important one. Anyhow, this is my own little post-ep. Enjoy.

**A Conversation**

She is in her bedroom when you find her. To her credit, she doesn't startle when you appear at the threshold. You take in the open suitcase on her bed and dread settles in the pit of your stomach. There are clothes strewn across the footboard and she continues packing as if you aren't there.

"You're leaving?"

She shrugs, "For a few days. I need a break."

You sigh softly but you don't argue. She deserves a break. They all do. The past few months have been hell for all of you.

"You deserve one."

She lifts her head then and the sadness in her eyes as she looks at you damages your heart. It is a power that only she seems to possess.

"What are you doing here, Oliver?"

It is your turn to shrug.

"I needed to see you. You weren't taking my calls."

She glances guiltily at her phone where it sits on her nightstand. You have been back in Starling City for almost forty-eight hours and this is the first time that you've laid eyes on her. You wonder why she's been avoiding you, wonder if something has changed in the days that you were gone, and you have to fight not to let the thought consume you.

"Oliver, I told you, I –"

"I know. I understand but you and I are still friends, right? We're still partners? I need – I want to tell you what happened."

Her eyes widen in surprise. You know that talking hasn't always been your strong suit but you are trying. You need to tell someone about your day – hell, about the past month - and she is the only person that you want to talk to.

"I told myself that I wasn't going to see Slade while Thea and I were on Lian Yu. There was no reason for me to go down there. But I couldn't stay away. I went to talk to him but Merlyn… he set Slade free. He let him out of his cell and put Thea and I both in danger."

She sits down wearily on the edge of her bed. You step hesitantly into the room, waiting for her to ask you to leave, and when she doesn't, you sit on the floor a few feet from her.

"He sent me to that island because he wanted me to kill again. He let Slade out because he expected me to kill him in order to protect Thea. To Merlyn, its kill or be killed. He refuses to change. He refuses to believe that there is another way. I still believe that. "

She stares at you unblinking for a long moment.

"What happened to him?" she asks quietly, "Where's Slade?"

You shrug, "His cell on the island. I didn't kill him. I couldn't."

She nods and looks away, focusing on a random place on her bedroom wall. You want to reach for her, to comfort her, to comfort yourself, but you know that the action will not be welcomed on her part. Instead, you keep talking.

"When I made a vow not to kill again, I made it for Tommy. He was my best friend and I let him down. He was – he was disgusted by who I was. After he died, I told myself that I would be the man that he had wanted me to be. I would be someone that he would've been proud of."

She continues to gaze at her wall but you know that she's still listening. You can see the way that her fists are clenched, her lips pressed into a hard line, her chest rising and falling as her breathing changes.

"But I've kept that vow all this time because of you," you tell her honestly, "Because without you, I would've lost my way a long time ago."

"Oliver –"

"I need you to understand something, Felicity. How I feel about you isn't going to change. You aren't just _a woman _that I love, you are the only woman that I love. I won't try to force you to change your mind, I don't have that right, but I want you to know that working with Merlyn isn't going to change me. I want to be a man that you're proud of. I want to be a man that you believe in. No one – not Malcolm Merlyn, not Ras Al Ghul – no one is going to change that."

You know that your hands are shaking and you conceal them as best that you can. There is a damp streak on her left cheek and you desperately wish that you could wipe it away.

For as long as you have known Felicity Smoak, she has never been so quiet. The silence unnerves you.

"I remember the first time I saw you," you continue, "The first time that I heard your voice. I didn't know you then, didn't even know your name, but you made me smile."

Her head swings in your direction and tips inquisitively to the side.

"The first thing that you ever said to me was 'Felicity Smoak? Hi, I'm Oliver Queen.'"

You can't help but grin at her terrible impersonation of you.

Shaking your head, you say, "That wasn't the first time that I saw you."

She blanches and you continue before she can ask.

"You know I wasn't always on the island in the five years that I was away. For a time, I worked for ARGUS, for Amanda Waller. About three years after the Gambit went down, my handler, Naseo, and I were brought here, to Starling City."

She gasps, her hands coming up to cover her mouth. Her fingernails are a rich dark purple.

"ARGUS wanted us to steal files from an employee at Queen Consolidated who was working for the Triad. I was in my mother's office when you stepped off of the elevator. I waited in the conference room. You were dropping off a file, I think. There was no one else in the room but you started talking. I realized that you were talking to a photo of my dad and me that sat on my mom's desk."

Her eyes widen again and she flushes a beautiful shade of red. You know that she is remembering the moment exactly as you are.

"Oh god," she groans, "I said you were cute. And then I said something ridiculous about how it was too bad that you were dead. Not that it would've mattered back then, I wouldn't have had a chance with you."

You shake your head and smile at her.

"When I told you that night at dinner that you were the first person to really make me smile, I was talking about that moment. That one candid incident made me remember you. I was determined that, should I ever really get to come home, I would find you. It just so happened to work in my favor that you were still working at the company when I came back."

She looks as if she's trying to process everything that you've just told her so you sit quietly and wait for her to say something. You've said your part and all you can do now is wait.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" she questions finally, "Why now?"

You shrug, "I thought that you should know. I thought – I thought we should be on even ground. What you said, about how you wanted things to be different when I came home… if I came home… Felicity, things are different. I came home knowing that there is only one thing in this world that I want. Only one person that I want to love and that person is you. I dreamt of you, you know? In the weeks that I was recovering. It was always you."

Fresh tears are in her eyes and you force yourself up off of the floor. You sit carefully beside her, unsure of how she'll respond, and slid your arm around her. She rests her head on your shoulder.

"I need time," she murmurs, "I – I need time to think. This scares me, Oliver. Losing you, losing you the way that I did, it terrifies me. I have never felt as helpless as I did the night that Malcolm Meryln told me that you were dead. I have never felt so broken. I don't want to feel that way again but I know… I know that it's inevitable. We all die sometime, right?"

She sighs and you pull her just a tiny bit closer. She doesn't protest. The words that leave you next are the most difficult to speak but you let them out anyway. She needs to hear them.

"Take all the time that you need. I'll be here. I always be here. I love you, Felicity. I just want you to be happy."

When she withdraws from your side, you force yourself to stand. She goes back to her suitcase and you head for the door. You stop and turn to her.

"Where are you going?"

She shrugs, "To see my mom. I won't be long."

You nod, "Be careful. I'll see you when you come home."

She doesn't respond but the sweater in her hands is clutched a little more tightly to her chest. There is nothing else to say and as you leave her in the quiet of her apartment, closing the door firmly behind you, you can only hope that you have done your best to convince her that your heart belongs to her. It is up to her how she chooses to proceed.


End file.
